


Amalgam

by KylosWetGlove (Bendu_the_Grey)



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Medical, Dental Surgery, Drug Abuse, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Medical Jargon, Medical Procedures, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reylo - Freeform, Sexual Tension, reylo au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2020-07-19 17:20:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19977697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bendu_the_Grey/pseuds/KylosWetGlove
Summary: Rey, has to have an emergency dental procedure and her classmate Ben Solo inadvertently becomes her caretaker.  The thing is, he hates her, or does he?





	1. Benny

**Author's Note:**

  * For [@diasterisms](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=%40diasterisms).



> A Wisdom Tooth AU for @diasterisms Enjoy!

The incessant ticking from the classroom clock was enough to set Ben Solo’s teeth on edge. He shouldn’t even be in this class; it was for second-year undergraduate students, but he had avoided it like the plague until it prevented him from graduating.

_It’s a core class, Ben, everyone has to take them,_ Mrs. Kanata, his adviser, had said at the beginning of the fall semester—two years ago, and subsequently every year after that. 

Ben gripped his yellow number 2 pencil harder, she didn’t understand, his parents knew but could never help. He never wanted to major in Political Science, he only did it to make his mother happy but mostly because everything he wanted to do involved— math. To him, it was a four-letter word, the bane of his very existence, and yet here he was staring down at his midterm exam trying to figure out the equation. It might as well have been Greek which honestly would have been less torment to decipher. Who the hell decided to put letters in algebra, to begin with? 

Frustrated, he scribbled nonsense across his paper, knowing it was probably all wrong and that the ever eager ball of sunshine next to him probably knew all the right answers. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday since January she had correctly rattled off the answer to damn near every question, in that snotty accent of hers and he couldn’t stand it. Granted yes, it was illogical, but that was beside the point. Too many times he had sat in this very seat struggling endlessly as perfect Rey smirked to herself happily. Her and her stupid robot pencil toppers, always drumming it on her notepad. Not to mention those stupid red Resistance sneakers, she always wore no matter what the weather. And her hair with her ridiculous three buns. 

But today when he looked over, Rey didn’t raise her hand or smile, in fact, he couldn’t even see her face at all. She had her hand cupped to the side of her jaw and— was she wearing a turtleneck? In Arizona, in April? It had to be 90 degrees outside. Was Mrs. Rey of sunshine know-it-all, sick? 

Ben rolled his eyes, “What a shame,” he muttered to himself.

For the next 90 minutes, Rey didn’t so much as budge. Her face remained hidden, her gaze fixed on her blank notebook paper. Not that he was keeping an eye on her or anything, he just didn’t want to be caught off guard if she happened to hurl in his direction. When the class was over, Ben stood up with everyone else and collected his things, but Rey remained motionless. He wanted to leave, but something kept him rooted at his desk. For a brief moment, he considered asking her if she was all right, or tell the professor but then he thought better of himself, she was an adult, and no one would come to his rescue if it were him, he could fend for himself and so could she. 

She must have noticed he was gawking at her because when she peered up at him, she was teary-eyed and— sweaty? Probably running a fever, he surmised. What was she trying to prove? 

“Seriously? If you’re that sick you shouldn’t come to class and expose us all to whatever the hell it is you have, stay in your dorm,” he snapped at her before he could help himself. 

He had half expected her to cuss him out which is what generally happens when he lets his Solo mouth run away with him, a family trait that has gotten him in more trouble than he cared to admit, but she just blinked up at him as she drew her turtleneck further up her face. 

Just as he turned on heel to walk away, Rey let out a soft low moan, and that’s all it took for Ben to stop in his tracks.

His stomach did a little flip, and he just knew. Call it instinct or some sort of weird luck, but within an instant, Ben was on his knees catching Rey as she stumbled out of her seat. 

Still, in shock, he cradled her head in his arms, “Rey, what’s wrong?” 

But she didn’t need to speak, as her hand fell away from her face it revealed a swollen jaw.

“Oh dear, should I call someone?” Professor Daniels asked. 

Rey perked up at that, “No, no need for that, it’s just a toothache, I got a little dizzy is all.” 

Was she crazy? The lump on her face was the size of a large egg. 

“You need to see a doctor immediately,” Ben said. 

“I— I don’t have insurance, it’s just a toothache it’ll go away eventually,” she added, pulling herself up and out of his arms. 

“You know, for someone as smart as you, you’re pretty fucking dumb,” he growled. 

Before she could cuss him out, or even shoot him a dirty look, Ben grabbed her by the arm and hauled her out of the classroom. He didn’t even realize what he was doing until he had made it halfway down the hallway with her clinging to his arm for support.

“Put your arms around my neck,” Ben barked. 

“What?”

“Put your arms around my neck, Rey,” he repeated a little more gently.

Limply she complied, and Ben swooped her up into his arms. She was as light as a feather; he thought to himself as he carried her out to the parking lot. 

Surprisingly she didn’t argue or try to resist when he buckled her into his car. Or even when he peeled out onto the freeway, oddly enough she was quiet all the way to Dr. Kalonas office. She did, however, insist he allow her to walk in on her own, but she did let him hold her hand just in case. 

“We have a dental emergency,” he all but yelled at the receptionist.

The silver-haired lady didn’t seem a bit concerned until she peered past him at Rey, “Is she a patient here?”

“No, but I am, tell Dr. Kalonia Ben Solo is here.” 

The receptionist raised an eyebrow at that, and he realized how he sounded, “Uh please let her know I’m here, she knows my mom Leia Organa, err Solo.” 

Unphased by his name drop the receptionist handed him a clipboard, “Have her fill out a health history, this new patient form and sign a HIPAA for me and I’ll let the doctor know she’s here.”

Rey flipped through the forms, and he tried to give her privacy by sitting one seat away as she filled them out. Ben tried not to stare; he really did, but he couldn’t help it. Just like all those times in class, he’d glare at her as she quickly jotted down all the right answers, only now she seemed at a loss. The pen hovered over the paper, occasionally touching down and then retreating as if she changed her mind a half dozen times until finally, she reached whatever decision she had made checking a box. Serves you right, he wanted to say, but of course, he wouldn’t. He couldn’t count how many times he had thought up a snide remark, to hurl in her direction and had merely mumbled them under his breath. He actually had never said a word to her until today, and it wasn’t until now he realized how weird and irrational that was. What was he 12? 

“Here,” Rey murmured, handing him the clipboard. 

Ben took it back up to the window for her and sat back down. Within a few minutes, a young lady in hot pink scrubs opened the waiting room door, “Rey.”

* * *

The torturous clock was at it again tick-tick-tick, Rey had been back there forever, or at least the last two hours, it felt like forever. Ben had flipped through every single magazine they had, not really even reading any of it. He didn’t know how much more of this he could take—

“Mr. Solo, Rey’s all finished. Dr. Kalonia wanted to see you for post-op instructions.”

“Post-op instructions?” 

Rey was asleep in the dental chair with oxygen tubing under her nose. What had they done to her?

“Ben! It’s so good to see you!” Dr. Kalonia said, entering the room, “How’s your mom?” 

“Uh, she’s good, good— you know doing her political thing… how’s Rey?” 

“She’s gonna be just fine, I’m glad you brought her in when you did, an abscessed tooth is nothing to play around with.” 

“Benny! You’re here!” 

Startled Ben turned to find Rey smiling up at him with cotton gauze hanging out of the left side of her mouth. 

“We had to IV sedate her to get that wisdom tooth out. She might be a little loopy for another hour or so.”

“They took out my tooth, Ben! The whole thing, it was huuuuuuge, you should’ve seen it--- Wait! It’s here somewhere, show him Doc!” 

Dr. Kalona smiled, “Yes, Rey, it was a rather big wisdom tooth, try not to talk, keep the pressure on that gauze for me, okay?”

“Okay!” Rey murmured the best she could with a mouth full of cotton. 

The dental assistant entered the room with an ice pack and a clear baggy full of gauze. 

She squeezed the ice pack activating it, “Here you go Rey, hold this on your cheek.”

Then she turned to Ben “She needs to keep that on there for about five minutes then take it off for about 5 mins so that she doesn’t give herself frostbite, she also needs to change out her gauze when she gets home if it’s still bleeding, okay?” 

“Uh yeah okay sure,” Ben answered, taking the baggy from the assistant. 

“Now I’m going to go over some rules Rey,” she said, speaking a little louder to get Rey’s attention, and handed Ben a green paper. 

“Okay, so there are three S’s no spitting, no straws, and no swishing. You will break the clot that has formed over the socket, and you will get dry socket which is extremely painful. You’ll end up back in here, and we will have to pack it with medication, which is also painful. Nothing hot to drink it can melt the clot, nothing crunchy either we had to put stitches in, and you could pull one of them loose. Soft foods only, and gentle brushing, okay? We put a round of antibiotics in your goody bag you need to take one in the morning and at night. There’s also pain medication in here you can take every six hours but take it with food okay sweetie, any questions?”

“How long?” Ben found himself asking, he’d have to relay this information to Rey when she finally came out of her drugged state or to her family when they came to pick her up. 

Dr. Kalonia handed Ben an appointment slip, “For about a week, she has a follow-up appointment next Friday,” she smiled and turned back to Rey, who was now trying to stand. Ben rushed to steady her before she fell over the doctor’s chair. 

“You’ve got a good boyfriend Rey, that could have gone really wrong if you had waited any longer.”

Ben felt his ears and cheeks warm, “Oh, I’m not, uh we’re not--”

“Benny you’re my boyfriend?! Wow, Bennys’ my boyfriend Dr. Kalona,” Rey giggled. 

“Um Dr. Kalona, did you call her emergency contact?” Ben asked. 

“Ben, can I speak with you for a minute?”

Dr. Kalonia motioned for him to follow her into the hallway out of earshot. “Ben hunny you’re her emergency contact.”

“I’m what?”

“She seemed very reluctant to talk about her history, I didn’t want to pry.”

“What about her friends then?” 

Dr. Kolona shrugged, “She only listed you. She was worried about payment more than her health, I told her we had payment plans that we could—

“Hey, guys! I’m starving, Ben the boyfriend, Benny Ben feed me,” Rey groggily demanded as she stepped into the hallway, and grabbed his arm. 

“How long will she be like this?”

Dr. Kalona smiled, “A few hours maybe, she should probably sleep it off before she tries to eat. Don’t leave her by herself okay and tell your mom I said hello?” 

“Right, okay, yeah I will...” Ben hesitantly answered. He honestly didn’t know what to do at this point. He had figured Rey would have called someone to pick her up before she had surgery, but it was becoming abundantly clear she hadn’t, and everyone expected him to take care of her. He didn’t want to leave her there at the office alone, he didn’t know any of her friends personally, although he had seen her hanging out with a few people in the library. So he did what any sensible adult would do, he put her back inside his car and began to drive back to Jakku University. 

Halfway there he looked over into the passenger seat to find Rey curled up into a little ball with bloody drool running out of the corner of her mouth. 

“Gross,” he grumbled to himself. 

At the next stoplight, he shook her shoulder, “Hey, Rey, wake up, I need you to tell me what dorm do you live in?”

Rey slowly opened her eyes and looked up at him, “I don’t live on campus.”

Thank god, she was finally starting to speak coherent sentences. 

“Oh, okay, the apartments nearby then?” 

She shook her head, “I live in Nima, the Outpost apartments.” 

“Nima?! That shit junkyard of a town, you’re kidding right?” 

“Hey, that’s not nice Benny, I live there ya know.” 

“Stop calling me Benny, and you can’t live there it’s dangerous. 

Rey straightened herself up in the seat, “I can take care of myself, thank you very much!”

She tried to smile in a smartass sort of way, he realized, but instead, only half of her mouth upturned and a wad of bloody gauze fell out of the other side, right onto the red leather seat.

“Oh gross Rey, not the leather!” 

“Sorry, my mouths still numb.” 

“Clearly! Just sit back, put new ones in there in the bag.” 

“Where are we going?”


	2. Grumpy Dark Lord

“Ohhhh buttons!” 

“Rey no!” 

Too late, every button leading up to Ben’s 19th-floor apartment was illuminated, and she was completely satisfied with herself. 

Ben sighed as the elevator door opened and shut at every single floor. 

By floor ten, he was ready to blow his top, but then Rey turned and wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face into his chest. She was, hugging him? For a moment, Ben forgot how to breathe, or was it because she had wrapped her arms around him so tightly she was cutting off his air supply? 

“You smell good Benny, and you’re pretty, but don’t tell you I said that.” 

Ben felt his knees go weak, or was that the elevator? “Uh, thanks, I think,” he patted her on the head, “you’re pretty too Rey.”

Who was this girl? She never acted like this in class, but to be fair, he had never seen her on pain killers either. Truthfully, they didn’t know each other at all, yet here he was inviting her into his apartment, and before he could direct her to his couch, Rey made a beeline for his bedroom. 

“Wait, where are you--” 

“I’m so tired…”

“No no no no no noooo, over here Rey,” Ben tried to grab her gently by the shoulders and steer her to the couch, but she was too quick.

“Wow, black satin sheets, should’ve known.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

Rey slinked under the thick heavy duvet and looked up at him. Her eyes were hazel, he realized just before she closed them, mumbling under her breath. He could have sworn she said, grumpy dark lord, but that didn’t make any sense. Then again nothing about today made any damn sense. Just a few hours ago he was in class sweating bullets over a math equation beside a girl he couldn’t stand. Now here he was with the same girl who had commandeered his bed, called him Benny about forty-eight thousand times, and to top it all off her boyfriend in front of a woman who happened to be one of his mother’s closest friends. If he ever needed a refresher on why he should never do drugs, he just got it.

“You could have at least taken off your shoes,” he sighed, knowing she was already too far gone to hear him. 

For the first hour Ben paced in the living room by the second he went in the bedroom to make sure she was still breathing, she was snoring and drooling all over his favorite pillow, and by the third, he had given up plopping down in his armchair. He picked up a book, but instead of reading, he found himself oddly fascinated by how Miss Sunshine slept. First, she’d roll into a tight ball then stretch out roll repeat. By the time she began to wake up his fitted sheet had been pulled off of 3 corners and the fourth held on by a thread. 

Finally, Rey opened her eyes sleepily and sat up. Ben watched her take in her surroundings, first the room and then his king-sized bed, which she had utterly destroyed and then finally her gaze fell upon him. 

“Where am I?” Rey asked, her expression taking on what he guessed was shock but could tell she was trying to mask it, which was, of course, ridiculous considering everything she had done up until now, he wagered she had no recollection of most of it. 

“You’re my guest, apparently.” 

Rey’s hand went immediately to her jaw, and she winced in pain. 

“You going to tell me why you decided to come to class today, it’s not as if you couldn’t have made up that test, you had a perfectly good excuse.”

“I didn’t want to miss, I-”

“And where the hell are your friends or family? Couldn’t you have told that Finn guy to help you instead of passing out and drooling all over my stuff?”

“Finn’s on holiday, he.. he’s not here, I— didn’t think it was that bad.”

“Not bad? Rey, you can die from an abscessed tooth, the infection can spread to your blood.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered as tears began to well up in her eyes. He watched her swallow hard before she schooled her expression. 

And now he felt like an asshole. Maybe he was a little too aggressive, she did just have surgery, and he willing brought her to his apartment, she hadn’t asked for any of this. 

“What about family, your mom, or dad? Surely you have plans for spring break?”

She shook her head and looked away from him, “I don’t have any family, it’s just me, I mean,” she sighed, “I’m an orphan, I guess is what you would call it.” 

Okay, yeah he was a huge asshole. No wonder she took so long to fill out her health history and had no emergency contact. 

“It’s time for your pain meds,” he said a little more gently, “but you need to eat first, come on lets... let’s get you fed okay?” 

Rey followed him out of the bedroom and took a seat at the kitchen table. He poured her a glass of water then opened the fridge and began to look for something suitable, “What would you like? Uh, I have hummus, leftover mashed potatoes, or... oh I have creamed spinach—”

“Ew god, what is _wrong_ with you? Could you be a little more _normal?_

Ben tensed at those oh so familiar questions. Well, you just lost all your sympathy points, ungrateful brat. He closed the fridge door probably a little harder than he should have.

If he alarmed her, she didn’t show it; instead, she almost looked defiant, jutting out her chin and narrowing her eyes, “Forget it, just give me the pain meds.”

He snatched the goody bag off the counter, pulled out the pain medication and set it on the counter then took out an ice pack and locked eyes with her as he popped it to activate the cooling gel inside, then tossed it on the table.

“Well, Miss Rey of Sunshine, this is about all the pain reliever you can have. You need to eat something before you take your pain medication, or it can make you nauseous.”

“Well Mr. Grumpy Dark Lord, I’ll take the risk, give it here.” 

“Dark Lord? Listen, _Nerd,_ I really think you should eat--”

“Just give it to me, Ben!” 

“Okay fine, your funeral.” 

Rey took the pill out of his hand and a glass of water, but only half of what she drank stayed in her mouth, the rest ran down her neck into her high collar shirt. 

“Shit, why is my mouth still numb?”

“Sometimes it takes longer for the medication to wear off for some people,” Ben shrugged, "depends on your metabolism,” he looked up at the wall clock, “I give you about thirty minutes.” 

“Thirty minutes for what?” 

“Figure it out, since you _know_ everything.” 

“What the hell are you on about, why are you such a dick?”

Ben smirked, “That’s not what you said earlier.”

Rey turned at least three shades of red, but she tried to hide it behind the ice pack which she had snatched up as rudely as he had thrown it on the table. 

She looked out the large window that overlooked most of downtown Jakku, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

Oh, he wasn’t going to let her off that easily. Ben walked around the table, placing himself between her and the window, so she had no choice but to look up at him. 

“What was it you called me again? Benny? Oh, no, wait now I remember, you expressed your true feelings for me, I’m Benny, your boyfriend and you think I’m _pretty_.”

“Fuck off,” Rey snapped back at him. 

“Oh, did I strike a nerve? I hit pretty close to the mark, didn’t I?” 

“You,” she gritted her teeth, "you are the most stuck up, snobby, entitled asshole, I’ve ever met!”

“How in the Hell am I stuck up? You don’t know anything about me!”

“Oh _please_ , You’re the son of a racing legend, and a beloved Senator, give me a break, you’ve had everything handed to you. Yet you sit in class, acting like your life so terrible because you suck at **MATH**!”

He could feel the heat rising as it traveled up his neck and into his ears. He gripped the back of an empty kitchen chair, so hard he could hear the wood began to creak from the pressure. If he didn’t walk away now, there was a risk that he would hurl the chair into the wall. And from the look in her eyes, if she hadn’t been in so much pain, she would have probably thrown one at him as well.

Ben took a breath and walked back into his bedroom and slammed the door. He sat on his bed in silence, looking at the tangled sheets before placing his head in his hands.

_I’m turning into my father._

How many times had his parents had arguments just like that? How many times had he sat in his room just like now and listened to it go on and on before he heard the slamming of doors? He knew his parents loved each other, but they were on different levels. 

For a long while, he heard nothing but silence from the other side of the door. He’d half expected to hear his front door slam as she left, but there was nothing. That is until he heard the kitchen chair slide abruptly across the floor and the frantic movement through the apartment. 

He looked at the clock next to his nightstand.

_Right on queue._

Part of him wanted to leave her to pray to the porcelain Gods alone, the other half, the half that was beginning to be more loud and annoying, made him open the door. 

From the sounds coming from the bathroom, the medication had not set well on her empty stomach. He found her on her knees, in front of the toilet, pale and clammy. 

“Don’t say it... if you do, I may kill you,” she said before another bout of sickness took her. 

All but one of her three buns had fallen, and before he could come to his senses, he was once again kneeling down beside her pulling her hair back out of her face. 

“You don’t have to— I, I got it.”

“It’s okay Rey, I got you,” Ben found himself saying. He felt like two people when he was with her. It was like a tug of war, and this more nurturing, soft side was winning out against his usual cynical self. 

He felt her pause and then relax, well, that is until she threw up again, but she allowed him to stay by her side. When it was over, he took a hand towel and ran it under cold water before returning to the floor. He started to hand it to her, but she was so out of sorts he wiped her face down for her, taking extra care of the left side of her face. 

“C’mon lets get your mouth washed out.” 

It surprised him at the ease in which she complied, as he read from the instructions given to them on exactly how to rinse without swishing.

Finally, when she had finished, she looked up at him in the mirror, “This sucks.” 

He wanted to tell her, he told her so, but he couldn’t bring himself to be mean to her. All the anger had drained out of him. 

“Your shirt is ruined, wait here,” he said.

After rummaging through at least three drawers, he found the smallest shirt he owned and returned to her. 

When she emerged from the bathroom, he thought his heart stopped. He hadn’t ever seen her with her hair down before, and he hated himself for thinking it, but she looked— hot wearing his t-shirt. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked. 

“Um, nothing, you look, you look nice is all.”

“Really...” Rey deadpanned, “I’m wearing a Vader shirt, and I just vomited all over your bathroom, please don’t tease me, Ben, I can’t.” Her voice sounded so defeated, though she tried to hide it. 

“I wasn’t,” he said, unable to reel in the softness in which he spoke.

Rey just stared at him before taking a hesitant step towards the couch. 

“I’ll.... just,” he cleared his throat, “get you some water.” In truth, _he_ needed the water, it had become very warm all of a sudden. 

He returned to her quickly, setting the glass of ice water on the coffee table before taking a seat in the armchair across from her. 

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out. “For, not having anything edible, earlier,” he continued.

“No, Ben I--”

“What would you like? I can order something, I’m hungry too, and you need to eat before you take anything.” 

“I don’t know what I can have,” she said quietly,” why don’t you order what you like and what you think is best, I’m sure I’ll like something.”

She was extending him an olive branch for what she had thought had angered him. There was no way for her to know what had set him off. In truth, he had always fought with letting his emotions get the better of him. And now, as a single strand of her hair drifted over her right ear, he decided he had never seen a more perfect ear. Had she always had freckles across her nose? 

“Ben?”

A quiet, “Alright,” was the only response he could give her. What was happening to him? 

He took his phone from his pocket, trying to ignore the quizzical stare she was currently giving him and the funny feeling that began to take up space in his chest as he pulled up the menu to his favorite places. 


	3. Not that kind of weirdo

The endless parade of delivery drivers was probably driving the doorman downstairs insane. At least every five to ten minutes a new one would come up. He must have spent over a hundred dollars, he ordered everything he thought she could eat from nearly ten different restaurants. 

The kitchen table, counter, and coffee table were covered entirely in food containers. 

“Ben, when I said order anything, I didn’t mean everything,” Rey said. 

“Well, I don’t know what you liked so.” Ben shrugged and continued to unpack all the take out from their bags. 

Rey had never in her life had someone go this far out of their way to make her happy before, well, except for Finn, but this felt different somehow. There was some unknown charge in the air it had formed at some point between the argument and her getting sick. She was utterly speechless, as she watched Ben, the tall dark and emo boy plate ten different dishes for her to try and then one for himself.

This boy had been infuriating from the day she sat next to him. Every day he’d come into class with the worlds going to end look on his face, plop down at his desk and glared at her every time she opened her mouth. After the first week of class she was so fed up, she almost asked to switch seats, but something inside her gave her pause. Perhaps it was his reaction every time she answered a question correctly, he shifted in his chair as if he were sitting on nails, or when he would slump downward when the professor would ask someone to give an answer to the equation. It was easy to see Ben Solo couldn’t do math to save his life. He literally sweats all over his answer sheet during their first quiz. She wrote him off as some spoiled rich kid that had paid his way into college, instead of earning it, who now had to actually perform and couldn’t. It was easy to figure out who he was with a famous name like Skywalker-Organa-Solo. He wasn’t like her at all, born with a silver spoon in his hand while she had been tossed away and forgotten. To be truthful, she had been jealous of him too. 

But now as he handed her a cup of Miso soup with exactly three ice cubes in it citing doctors orders from the green post-op instruction paper he kept waving around, she realized how wrong she had been. 

She took a sip; it wasn’t terrible, but it was a little too cold. 

“You don’t like it?” he asked, sounding a bit disappointed. 

“No, it’s fine,” she lied. Since when had she cared about accommodating his feelings? 

Ben shook his head, and took the bowl from her hands, “Don’t tell people what they want to hear, always be honest, even if you think it might hurt their feelings.” 

“Uh, okay... Thanks Dr. Phil,” Rey teased giving him a smile, or what she thought was a smile. 

When he smiled back, her stomach did that thing again, where it somersaulted and fluttered at the same time. Just like when he demanded she place her arms around his neck and he swept her into his arms carrying her through the halls of Jakku University like she was Scarlet O’Hara and he Rhett Butler. 

He shrugged. “Sorry, it’s something my mom told me, I dunno why I just thought of it.” 

“No, it’s good advice, thanks.”

“Alright, I know you didn’t like the mashed potato idea, but these are special.” 

Skeptical of this claim, Rey eyed the fluffy white blob on the plate, “How so?”

“These are cauliflower,” he said, looking so pleased with himself as if he had discovered some rarity. 

Well, she could at least try it. 

The second the mush hit her tongue she knew it was a big nope; it was somewhat gritty and just no. She didn’t mean to spit it back on to her plate, but that’s precisely what she did. 

“Really?” His shoulders slumped, “but it had such good reviews.” 

Rey instantly felt terrible, she started to apologize, but before she could, Ben took a full scoop of the “mashed potatoes” and shoved it into his mouth. He chewed for hardly a second before he spit it out. 

“Oh, god, that’s awful, who eats this stuff?” 

The expression on his face sent Rey into a fit of giggles, which was only dampened by the pain in her jaw. Was it possible to laugh and cry at the same time? 

Unfortunately, yes, it was. 

“We have to get some food into you,” Ben said, returning to the kitchen for another plate of food. 

She turned to watch him over the back of the couch, and this absurdly tall man rummaged through the drawers for what, she didn’t know, but he looked so determined. 

“Ah ha!’ Found it--- shit!” he announced disappearing behind the counter as something metal hit the floor. 

_He’s a big lumbering sweetheart._

“Okay, if you don’t like this, then there’s no hope for you, and we can’t be friends anymore,” he said as he whipped out a giant bowl of chocolate ice cream and presented it to her like he was a waiter at a five-star restaurant. 

Rey took the bowl into her hands and looked sadly back up at him. “I’m lactose intolerant.” She watched his smile fade before she cracked. “I’m kidding, Ben, it’s my favorite.” 

Ben eyed her cautiously, refusing to give her the bowl. 

“No, really, I’m just teasing, give it here.” 

It was easily the best thing for her, the cold soothed her sore mouth, and she finally put something on her stomach. 

Ben once again disappeared into the kitchen and after several long minutes returned with a giant bowl of vanilla ice cream, then sat beside her on the couch. Bewildered, Rey looked around the room at all the good smelling food he had purchased. 

“You have all this take out, and you’re eating ice cream?”

“Well, it wouldn’t be very fair of me to eat all that when you can’t.” 

That was it, everything she knew or thought was canceled. 

“I’ll put it all in the fridge, it’ll feed us for the rest of the week. I have at least nine more quarts of ice cream for you to try.”

Did she hear him correctly, did he just say us for the rest of the week? Maybe he meant just dinner? There’s no way he expected her to stay with him, at his apartment, alone, during the entirety of spring break, did he? 

“Um, yeah, sure, I can come over for dinner this week,” she probed. 

“Well, you can’t really drive on medication.” 

“Oh, I don’t have a car. I walk, usually.” 

“All the way from Nima!? Rey, that’s crazy.”

“It’s okay. I like the exercise.”

“Uh, nope,” 

“Excuse me?”

Ben sat his ice cream down on the table and snatched the green post-op sheet again. “No strenuous physical activity.” 

“Well, then I’ll Uber, or you can be a gentleman and pick me up.” 

“I have no issue taking you to and from your apartment…”

Finally, he was making sense.

“Except your apartment is junk.” 

_Too far._

Rey shot up off the couch before even she realized she had, “Listen,” she pointed her chocolate-covered spoon at him, “it might be junk to you, but it’s all I can afford. I appreciate your charity I do, but--” she stalled, putting her dish on the table and grabbed her shoes then headed for the door. 

“Whoa, Rey, hold on, hey, stop!”

She halted just in front of the door. She didn’t want to leave, not really, but he didn’t understand, and then it hit her, she realized he had made her mistake, he didn’t know her just like she didn’t know him. But god she wanted to. When she turned around, Ben looked as lost as she felt. 

“I didn’t mean to insult you, I’m sorry, it’s really just logistics and your pain medication. I know you don’t know me, and it might be weird. I swear I’m not that kind of weirdo. I just want you to be okay. If you want me to take you home right now, I will. I don’t mean to hover.” 

“You really want me to stay? Like, all week? Don’t you go home?” 

“They don’t—no, I don’t usually go home. It’s just me most of the time.” He wavered, and looked at her, and shook his head, “It’s okay Rey, here, I’ll pack some of this up for you and take you to Nima it was a dumb idea, I’m sorry.” 

He had that look in his eyes, she had seen it so many times before, on the children in the foster care system, in the mirror. _He’s alone… just like me._

And just like that, she made a decision, albeit a very reckless one but when wasn’t she? Having survived in the streets and abusive households her whole life, she knew a threat when she crossed it, and Ben Solo wasn’t one. A little rough around the edges...maybe. 

“Nine flavors, you say?” 

For a second, he gawked at her like a deer caught in headlights before her words made a connection.

“Yeah, nine,” he stammered. 

“And you’re definitely not that type of weirdo?”

“No, absolutely not, you can have my room I’ll take the couch.”

“But you are a weirdo?” 

A broad grin grew across his face, one that for the briefest of moments began to make her heart flutter, before she batted the notion aside. _You hardly know him, Rey, pull it together._

“Alright, I’ll stay,” she said, hating how low and strained her voice sounded. 

Ben gave her the pain medication and put away all the food, cleaning up the dishes as he went, and returned to her on the couch with a new ice pack with him.

“Here, you need to do this a little more before bed. I don’t suppose your very sleep yet, huh?” He asked.

“Not really, do you have Netflix, we could watch something?” 

*******

Of course, he had it, who didn’t these days, but what surprised him was her reaction when he clicked past Stranger Things. 

“Have you seen that?” She asked.

Before he could respond, she was reading him the premise and convincing him how great it was, so naturally, he lied and told her no. By episode two, Rey was becoming a little loopy. 

“Dustin is my absolute favorite! He’s so adorable, poor Eleven, she’s so alone.”

It was her tone that shifted at the last comment that captured his attention. That, and she had moved closer to him, drawing her knees up to her chest much like she had before. 

_Play it cool Solo; she’s not in her right mind._

However, playing it cool would be one of the toughest things he’d probably ever done, especially now that Rey was pressed fully against his right side, propping her head against his arm. 

“You’re hard,” she mumbled.

Ben’s heart lodged in his throat. “I wha--”

“Your muscles in your arm,” she squeezed his bicep, “you’re hard, do you work out, Benny?”

“I… yeah, I go to the gym.” 

She pushed into him further, so close he was sure she was going to hear his heart pounding out of his chest. 

She looks so sad.

”This show is so sad,” she sniffled, shifting yet again until her head was now resting on his thigh. 

“Can you rub my head?” 

“I’m sorry, what?” 

“Like this,” Rey raked her fingers through her hair and against her scalp, please, “it’ll help me sleep.” 

Ben complied taking over for Rey, sliding his fingers through her hair over and over again. 

“Mmmmm God that feels so good, so much better than when I do it myself.”

He froze. It was about now, Ben could hear his pulse pounding in his ears and was it warm in here? Did he set the thermostat right? 

“Ben, why did you stop?” 

“I uh... “

Rey rolled over and looked up at him for what seemed like an eternity. It had been a long time since he felt self-conscious about his appearance, but here and now he found himself wondering if she was finally noticing how enormous his nose was, or the large scar that bisected his face, and how he wasn’t quite symmetrical either. But then she grabbed a fist full of the front of his shit and hauled herself up onto her knees beside him. 

“No one has done that for you, have they?” 

It wasn’t a question. It was an observation. Her pupils were slightly dilated but her smile warm as if she had detected some secret he carried one that he didn’t even realize. Then she lifted her hands and carded her fingers through his hair, not once or twice, but over and over. 

He felt his skin pebble as the euphoric sensation traveled through his body. He should stop her, this couldn’t be appropriate, but it felt too good, and he leaned back and closed his eyes, allowing Rey continued.

“Your hair is amazing by the way,” she said as she caressed his scalp with her nails, “it’s not fair, I wish my hair was this thick and soft.” 

“I think you have beautiful hair,” Ben whispered, not recognizing the strained hush in his voice. 

Rey’s hands stopped, and Ben thought for sure he had crossed the line, he didn’t want to open his eyes. He did not wish to see her scorn, but then her hands slowly slid down his face, and cupped it gently. It was only then he gained the courage to open his eyes. 

She studied him, her eyes roamed all over his face for what seemed like forever, until the corner of her mouth drew upward. It wasn’t a full smile, but something more tender.

“You even have a perfectly placed beauty mark.” 

The pad of her thumb smoothed over the mole to the right side of his nose, and then she touched his scar, lightly tracing it all the way up to his brow with the tip of her finger. 

“What happened?” she whispered.

Ben swallowed the lump in his throat and lifted her hand in his gently pulling it away from his face. 

“I think it’s time for bed, Rey,” he somehow managed to say. 

Rey flinched slightly, had he not been looking at her beautiful face he wouldn’t have noticed it. He hoped he hadn’t hurt her feelings, but he couldn’t talk… about—

“We can finish up the entire season tomorrow,” he quickly continued. 

Rey only nodded and remained quiet as he led her to his bedroom. She stood silent as he fixed the fitted sheet on his bed, gave her a new shirt and a pair of sweatpants, promising her he would take her home tomorrow so she could grab her things. When he finished giving her the antibiotic the doctor had prescribed, he headed out the door pulling it to close behind him. 

“Thank you,” he heard her whisper.

He stopped, and poked his head back through the doorway, “You’re welcome,” he said before he pulled the door closed. 

  
  



	4. How Do You Take Your Eggs in the Morning?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe its been almost a whole year since I updated. I'm sorry guys! TRoS happened and sent me into a creative downward spiral. I want to finish this story along with a few others. So hang in there with me. Thea! I'm gonna get this done I swear!

Sunlight trickled through the thin gap between the black drapes, hitting Rey in the eyes. With a sigh, she rolled over, putting her back to the window; _five more minutes._ Distantly she heard the clang of pots and pans moving about in the kitchen, followed by a squeaky faucet turned on and then off. There was no way she could go back to sleep with all that racket. Not that it mattered. The pain medication had worn off and her jaw felt tender. 

Details of the previous night eluded her. She did remember watching Stranger Things and they got to the part where Dustin adopts a Demogorgon. There was also a vague memory of her running her fingernails through Ben’s hair. _No way_ , there's absolutely no way she would have done that. She wasn't the touchy-feely type. It took months to get over Finn hugging her every time they parted ways. Definitely a dream. Only why did she see his dark eyes so clearly in her mind? So intense and gentle at the same time. _Drugs, Rey drugs._

Rubbing her eyes, she pushed back the warm plush comforter and placed her feet to the cool wooden floor. It was only now that she took in what Ben’s bedroom looked like. Oddly enough, it wasn’t what she would have imagined, except for maybe the black sheets and drapes. She would have pictured a room with a very expensive flat screen or fancy furnishings costing in the thousands of dollars. In reality, there was no tv at all, and there was only an insignificant dresser, black with a matching nightstand. Even the lamp was only a basic nickel with a dreary shade. He had no personal touches anywhere, no pictures, no dirty laundry which judging by Finn’s dorm room floor was an anomaly for men his age. How could someone with so much put so little into a place they considered home? 

The nightstand at least had a digital clock that read 10 am; which for her was late. Most days she would wake before sunrise. The walk to campus took at least 45 minutes, but it wasn’t all because of the walk. Sleeping straight through the night without waking in a cold sweat from nightmares was a rarity. She could attribute her sleepy lie-in on the narcotics, but there was something warm and comforting about sleeping in Ben’s bed. 

Rey’s eyes widened at her line of thought and she moved out of bed making her way into the bathroom. She would splash water on her face that would help set her straight, right? Her reflection stopped her in her tracks. Deep purple circles hung under her eyes, which was not surprising but they were never so pronounced. The state of her jaw, however, had her gaping at herself. To match the color palette of the day, her jaw had also turned an even more ominous shade of plum with a splash of olive green to give it a bit of contrast. _Perfect._ Rey had no makeup and a cute guy was just 15 feet away, making her breakfast. 

Rey soaked her face with cool water. _Okay, he’s handsome, so what, it’s not a huge deal, he’s just being nice, no reason to get worked up over it._ But she was, despite her own denial. She looked around his bathroom for something to make herself a little more presentable. Like his bedroom, his bathroom was bare. _What is with this guy?_ She opened the top drawer of the vanity and found his toothbrush with all the rest of his general hygiene products. The second drawer had two hairbrushes and a comb. _Okay._ The third and biggest drawer held the motherload of hair products. She counted at least 3 unique types of shampoos with matching conditioners, not to mention the 5 bottles of gels, 3 pomades. And was that Phillip B hair mask? That’s at least 250 dollars! She had only known that because Finn had bought Poe some for Christmas. She thought it weird to gift someone shampoo until he had explained how expensive it was. Well, at least she knew how he spent his money and it was, as expected, equally ridiculous and hilarious. Rey plucked the gold jar from the drawer to see what it smelled like when she heard a knock on the door. 

Startled, she almost dropped the jar, “Yes?” she squeaked. Rey winced at the sound of her shrill voice. She cleared her throat and gave a more reasonable and level, “Yes, be out in a second.” 

“I have your bag,” Ben spoke through the door. 

_Bag? What bag?_

“It has a toothbrush you can use,” he continued. 

_Oh, right, the bloody goody bag, you idiot._

Rey cracked open the door, hiding the golden jar behind her back as Ben nudged the bag through the opening. 

“Thank you.”

“No problem, and oh, I have toothpaste in the top drawer.”

“I know.” _Shit._

“What?”

“Nothing, right, uh thank you,” _Damn it._ She sounded guilty as hell. He had to know she was rummaging through his drawers. 

“How do you like your eggs?” he asked. 

It was very difficult for Rey to ignore the low timber of his voice or the undertones associated with that question; _how do you like your eggs in the morning?_ A common and dreadful pickup line delivered to her a time or two, almost always in a bar by a man struggling to justify how it was impractical for fictitious bombs to drop in space. They always wore Boba Fett t-shirts. 

“Hard. I mean medium-hard, err over medium—thanks.” _Oh my God, what is wrong with you?_

“Okay, they’ll be ready in a few minutes,” he said. 

Rey didn’t breathe until she heard him moving around in the kitchen again.

* * *

Well, that was odd, Ben mused as he cracked open an egg into the pan. Why did she sound like he had caught her with her hand in the cookie jar? She couldn’t have been snooping, could she? What if she found his Phillip B mask? Or worse, _used it_. Nah, he was being paranoid, right? 

Before he could let his mind wander about the _girl_ in _his_ bathroom, he flipped the egg and started the toast. 

A girl had never spent the night at his apartment before and certainly not in his bed. He had always insisted that they go back to their place. He always took off before dawn. Not that he didn’t want a relationship, in fact, he very much wanted one. But there was always the complication with his name. The moment any woman found out his actual identity, their whole demeanor shifted. Overly enthusiastic when laughing at his jokes; he wasn’t _that_ funny, in fact, he knew he had a very dry sense of humor. Throwing themselves at him, sometimes telling him it was okay not to wear a condom. All red flags. And he wasn’t stupid. Sure, it was entertaining at first, but it always felt hollow. He’d give anything to have a normal conversation with someone. The need was so desperate that he tried going by an alias once or twice, Kylo Ren was an odd name to use and no one ever fell for it. It was foolish when he thought about it. A lame attempt at combining his three last names Skywalker, Organa, and Solo. The Ren part was on a poster in his uncle’s office, some Confucianism philosophy that always stuck with him. Ben chuckled to himself, “Ky-lo Ren,” he sounded it out and then snorted. 

And that’s how she found him that morning, grinning like an idiot over her eggs.

“Hi,” she said with a smile, “Are the eggs amusing?”

“Haha, no, these eggs here have committed a crime,” he said looking over at her.

Rey’s brows knitted together.

Ben smiled and plated her eggs. “Because I caught them poaching.” 

“Wow,” Rey laughed, “Nice dad joke.” 

“Only, I did not poach these eggs,” he continued. “They’re _hard_ , I mean medium- _hard,_ just the way you like it.” 

Ben sat the plate down in front of Rey as she gaped at him. Then before he could help himself, which was becoming more and more of a thing now, he winked at her. Winked! _Good God Solo, what are you doing?_

Rey was trying to hold back a smile, but it was no use. “I hate you,” she said, shaking her head.

“I know,” he answered, smiling back at her. 

Rey bit her lip and looked down at her eggs. Her hair was all tied back up into her three buns and she was still wearing his old Vader t-shirt with the sweatpants and it looked as good as it had last night. 

_Stop staring at her, you moron._

A _pop_ sounded from behind him, breaking the awkward silence. _Thank God for the toast._

“Do you like your bread buttered, I mean would you like butter with your toast?” _Why did that sound so sexual?_

“Butter sounds nice, but can I even have toast?” she asked.

“I think as long as it isn’t too crunchy, which it’s not, you’ll be fine. How do you feel?”

“Like I got punched in the face. I’m ready for meds, Dr. Solo.” 

Ben tilted her chin up at him with the tip of his finger, “You look like you got in a bar fight, and lost.”

“You should see the other guy,” Rey quipped and smiled at him. He couldn’t help but smirk. 

“At least the swelling has gone down a bit. Let’s get food in your stomach and I’ll get your medicine ready.” 

Ben went to the counter and pulled out two orange pill bottles and grabbed a glass to fill with water. He tried to ignore the fact she was staring a hole into the back of his skull. 

“You should go into the medical field, you know. You have a pleasant bedside manner.” 

He almost dropped her glass in the sink but recovered. He hoped she hadn’t noticed. 

“It would’ve been nice, but it’s not in the cards.” He attempted to keep a nonchalant attitude so they would move away from this conversation, but the universe was against him. 

“What do you mean?” Rey asked, with a mouthful of toast. 

Ben turned around trying his best not to look put out, “Don’t talk with your mouth full, I don’t want to do the Heimlich maneuver on you, and you know what I mean. I can’t do the math. We both know this. You need at least calculus, and I can barely scrape by in algebra. So not possible is what I mean.” 

He felt the tips of his ears heat. It was embarrassing as hell to admit out loud, let alone to a pretty girl at his breakfast table. 

“You need a teacher.” 

She was only trying to help, but he had already been down this rabbit hole.

“I’ve had loads of tutors Rey, and I just can’t. It’s absurd, but numbers morph into a different language to me.”

“Sounds like anxiety to me,” she said matter-of-factly. 

“Now who sounds like Dr. Phil?” Ben chuckled.

“Ha-ha, seriously though I could teach you, maybe.”

“Your welcome to take a crack at it, but for now take these and go sit on the couch. I’ll clean up and then we’ll go to your place and get a few things.” 

* * *

The Outpost apartments were precisely how they sounded, disheveled, and filthy. Rey got out of the car and walked straight to the front entrance as if they weren’t in the most dangerous part of Nima. He followed her inside and prayed that when they returned his tires would be attached to his car. Inside wasn’t much better than the outside. The elevator was broken, so they had to climb 10 flights of stairs. When they made it to her apartment, a man was standing at her door with a drill. 

“Oi! Plutt, what are you doing?” Rey yelled. 

“You’re late again Johnson, I told you last month, no more leniency.”

“I had a dental emergency yesterday, I have the money I just need to get my checkbook--”

“Too bad, so sad,” Plutt said and continued to remove the lock from Rey’s door.

“Excuse me,” Ben said politely. Plutt ignored him, and well, that wouldn’t do. 

Ben slammed his hand on the door, “Excuse me!” 

“What!” Plutt snarled and stopped the drill. 

“What does Ms. Johnson owe?”

Plutt curled his lip and met Ben’s eyes, “One thousand twenty-five, and 68 cents.” 

“A thousand dollars for this shithole? Are you fucking kidding me, I saw at least 10 code violations on the way up here.” 

“Yeah, and what are you going to do about it, pretty boy?” 

“Ben it’s okay, I got this,” Rey said trying to smooth over the situation. 

But he would not let this stand. This meaty hand fool was taking advantage of her and that would end right now. 

Ben pulled his wallet from his back pocket and before Rey uttered another word, he shoved a wad of cash in Plutt’s face. 

The expression on the slug of a man’s face was a mixture of shock and hunger as his sweaty fingers grabbed it out of Ben’s hands. 

“This is the last time Johnson, next time its eviction consider this your 30 day notice. I’ll have everything out on the curb if you’re a second late,” Plutt said, pocketing the cash and walking away. 

Rey was silent as she pulled out her keys and opened the door. Ben hoped he hadn’t been too aggressive, _again_. 

He almost apologized, but his thoughts on the matter flew out the window at the sight of Rey’s apartment. It reminded him of the time his mother had taken him to the botanical gardens when he was nine. 

Rey had every type of plant imaginable and while his knowledge base of the varieties of house plants was limited, he spied what he presumed to be orchids, ferns, lilies, and a rather large flowering cactus. He stepped toward what he suspected was the kitchen. It was hard to identify because the countertops were non-existent, buried beneath pots of moss and succulents. The fridge had given it away. 

“Uh, nice place you have here,” he said, sticking a finger towards the large Venus Flytrap sitting on the windowsill above the sink. 

“Don’t you dare!” Rey snapped, batting his hand away. “You’re as bad as Finn, you can hurt it, it doesn’t realize you’re not an insect.” 

“Maybe it’s a man-eater?” Ben gave her a wry smile, “ _Feed me, Seymore, feed me,”_ Ben declared in his best Audrey II voice, but Rey wasn’t as receptive as before because she only scowled at him. 

“I have to come here at least every other day to make sure they have enough water,” she said before retreating into the back bedroom leaving him to stand awkwardly in front of the fridge. He could still see her through the doorway as she disappeared and reappeared collecting clothes from the floor and in her dresser drawers. 

“So, you like plants?” Ben called out towards the bedroom. 

“What gave you that idea?” Rey replied as she overzealously shoved her clothes into a backpack. 

She was angry. He could practically feel it crackling through the air. What had he done? Or was she mad at her scummy landlord? 

Sensing the need to fill the silence, Ben continued to ramble. 

“I can bring you back every day if you like? That way we can check on Audrey here,” he pointed to the carnivorous monster over the sink.

“Audrey?” Rey asked, finally reappearing in her living room with a backpack slung over her shoulder. 

“You’ve never seen Little Shop of Horrors?” Ben asked.

Rey shook her head. 

“Seriously? You, the plant nerd, have never watched that movie?” 

“I didn’t have television growing up,” Rey said matter-of-factly. 

“Well, I know what we are doing tonight. Demogorgon’s can wait. You’ll never look at this thing the same way again.” 

“Sure, whatever _you_ want, Ben.” 

Okay, definitely pissed at _him_. 

“Rey, what’s wrong? Did I say something to upset you?”

“No, you _did_ something to upset me. I can handle Plutt.” 

“You’re mad at me because I yelled at your landlord?” Ben deadpanned. She couldn’t be serious? 

“No, you embarrassed me. I can pay my own rent. Which reminds me,” Rey pulled a folded up check from her back pocket and handed it out to him. 

Ben took the check from her hand.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make it seem like you couldn’t handle it. I-- he was ignoring you taking your lock off, he would not wait for you to write the check, so I--”

“You showboated.”

“I, what?” Ben asked, genuinely confused. 

“You hate where I live, you complained the whole way into town and all the way up the 10 flights of stairs. I get it, I live in garbage!”

“Whoa, wait a minute Rey, I--”

“Then you ignore me and pull out a wad of cash for that slug as if it was nothing to you. You didn’t even count it. You made me seem helpless and worthless. I work hard for my money Ben, I not only have a work-study but I also run a small business out of this shithole as you call it. But I guess your pretentious ass wouldn’t consider any of this, would you? Because all you need to do is pull out your wallet and take care of it, right?”

If Rey was aiming for a target, she hit it dead center. 

“You honestly think I was showing off by paying your landlord?” 

Rey huffed and crossed her arms. “You still don’t get it.” 

“Oh, I get it. You’re too damn proud to let anyone help you. Least of all people like me, right? I didn’t ask to be born into a political family with money. I didn’t ask for them to pay for my tuition or rent. In fact, I’ve asked them several times to stop, but no one seems to give a damn about what I think. This money,” Ben pulled out his wallet, “it’s from a part-time job I have at First Order Pharmaceuticals. I moonlight as a fucking telemarketer and I despise it, but I do it! So no Rey, I don’t have my mother shovel money into my bank account. And if that’s all you see when you look at me, then you’re just like everyone else!” Ben ripped the check-up and let the pieces flutter to the floor. “You’re welcome your highness,” he snarled and walked out the door. 


	5. Horse with no name

When the door slammed shut, and Ben’s heavy footsteps faded from existence, Rey questioned her choice of words. What was the phrase Rose used for hypocrisy? _Pot meet kettle?_

Hot headedness was an attribute acquired in childhood. Followed by an overwhelming need to fight or flight. Which often took over rational thinking especially if someone grew too close. Apparently Ben also suffered from this affliction given that he just ran for it. It’s why Rey had no friends until a year ago. Poor Finn endured a very harsh tongue lashing when she thought he had stolen Poe’s jacket and dog BeeBee. A misunderstanding that should have made them enemies but Finn was having none of it. Perhaps it was because they were both caught in the middle of the night in a restricted area by a medical warehouse downtown. It didn’t look suspicious at all to the two security guards making rounds because they heard the two of them arguing.

Finn and Rey had hid behind the dumpsters together until the sun came up. Rey had been collecting specimens for research which may or may not have been illegal and Finn just happened to be chasing down Bee Bee. Nevertheless, Finn had barged into her life that night and taken no prisoners. 

Ben was an entirely different story. He glowered at her on the best of days, not a kind word was ever uttered to one another and despite the unspoken animosity, he had taken care of her. No, he had done far more than what one could consider socially acceptable. He didn’t have to drive her to a dentist. In fact, he could have called her an Uber, or took her to the school nurse and waved goodbye. Both reasonable options and gentlemanly, no one would have thought lesser of him. Instead, he opened up his home to her, and she just threw it back in his face. All because of what? Because she _thought_ he was deliberately insulting her? Nevermind how far out of the way he had gone to be kind.

Rey pressed the heel of her palm to her forehead. _Dick move Rey._

Without a thought or plan, Rey had snatched up her backpack and bolted down the stairs, taking them two and three at a time. 

“Ben!” she yelled down the stairwell, hoping he could hear her, but Plutt was drilling off a lock on some other poor soul’s door. 

“Wait, Ben!” she called out again, but no reply

When she made it to the first floor, she shoved the two heavy metal doors open, nearly knocking over an elderly man with a cane. 

“Sorry!” Rey yelled over her shoulder, as she took off down the sidewalk.

The sound of Ben’s car was distinct as it’s custom black and red paint job. He was at the traffic light a block away. She didn’t know if she’d make it or if he’d keep going even if he saw her, but she had to try. 

Rey hadn’t run this fast since track in high school. She could hear her pulse whooshing in her ears as her Resistance trainers pounded against the concrete. She ignored the confused stares of a woman carrying a large pastry box and a man walking his dog as she dodged them both, twisting her body between them like some ungraceful ballerina fleeing for her life. Rey knew she looked like a madwoman and she didn’t give a damn, this was important, he was-- _oh bloody hell he is important to me._ When she hit the half-block mark, the light turned green. A heavy stone sunk into the pit of her stomach. Ben was the first car in line. _Please wait, I’m almost there._ But he wasted no time, and his 2019 Silencer peeled out at breakneck speed. Leaving nothing but the sounds of tires screeching against the asphalt in its wake. 

Out of breath, Rey stumbled to a stop and watched helplessly as Ben drove away. 

“Come back,” she whimpered as her voice broke. 

But he didn’t, and she knew he wouldn’t. 

She hadn’t expected the tidal wave of emotions to crash down on her in the middle of a crowded sidewalk, but they did, with a vengeance.

Rey couldn’t catch her breath, as if suddenly there wasn’t enough oxygen in the air. Her limbs filled with lead, weighing her down, rooting her to the spot. The sounds of the hectic street bled into each other until they muffled and disappeared. The world continued on around her but twisted into a kaleidoscope of blurred colors and motions. Rey’s vision dimmed around the edges.

_Come back. No!_

_Rey watched the rusted maroon-colored 1987 Oldsmobile drive away, kicking up dust and rocks as the tires attempted to gain traction on the side of the road. The second the rubber met the asphalt, they were gone. She would never see them again. Her mother and father left her stranded in the desert with nothing, not even water. She ran down the deserted desert road until her little feet could carry her no further. Her throat was so dry it hurt to cry. Nightfall came with another whirl of colors. Rey stared up at the stars, her only companions. Coyotes howled in all directions. Her heart raced as she ran through the darkness. A flash of light and a blur of pink. Pain shot through her palms as she picked out the needles, fighting a desperate need to find water. She felt hands on her shoulders, and a voice calling out to her. Rey blinked and she was inside of a car. The officer was on his way to an accident, he explained, as he checked her over making certain she was not injured. His voice was calm, but she could detect the apprehension in his eyes. She listened to the radio chatter as he blasted the air conditioner directly on to her dirty sweat covered face. A drunk driver had run off the road, overcorrected, and flipped the car into a ravine hidden from immediate view. Rey’s parents were dead. She knew it before she saw it. She was only five._

_Rey looked over at the officer who had set her in the front seat of his patrol car. He had a funny name Zuvio. She had stared at his badge for what seemed like an eternity before he finally spoke to her again._

_“You’re going to be all right,” he said._

* * *

“Miss, are you all right?”

“Someone get her some water.”

“Honey, what happened to your face? Did someone hit you?”

The images in Rey’s mind whirled like a carousel until they faded away and reality replaced memory.

A tiny woman with big round orange glasses had knelt in front of her. Rey blinked at her slowly.

“There you are, Ms. Johnson, do you remember me? I’m your academic advisor, Mrs. Katana.”

At what point Rey had ended up on her knees she did not know, but the realization that an entire crowd had gathered as she had a panic attack in the middle of 2nd street horrified her.

“Easy, Rey, it’s all right. Come on,” the short woman said, tugging Rey to her feet. “Let’s go inside where it’s nice and cool.”

Rey could merely nod and allowed Mrs. Katana lead her inside a tiny pub. The transition from the bright outside to the dim interior caused her to go temporarily blind, and she grasped the woman’s hand tighter.

“Chewie, I need ice water and a cold washcloth — on the fly!”

Before the two women could sit, an extraordinarily tall man with an impressive reddish beard appeared with everything Mrs. Katana had ordered.

“Here child, wipe your face with this and take a sip of the water. You’re overheated.”

Rey did as she said, noting that as she ran the cloth over her tear-stained cheeks. Maz rolled up an additional cool cloth and fixed it at the base of Rey’s neck.

Embarrassed, Rey covered her face behind the washcloth and cried.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause a scene, it all happened so fast I—”

“You stop that, there is nothing to be ashamed of,” she said, patting Rey on the shoulder. “What took place to you today is more common than you realize. I’ve seen it more than a time or two in my time.”

Rey nodded, keeping her face masked by her hands. 

And I won’t pry, but I need to ask. Are you seeing anyone for it? Have you spoken to a counselor at school?”

“No,” Rey whispered. “I don’t like to talk about it.”

“I know you don’t, but when you bottle it up, these situations happen. I hear that Mr. Artoo is a wonderful listener.”

Rey nodded and took a sip of water. “Mrs. Kanata—”

“Maz dear, you can call me Maz.”

“Maz—I feel a lot better now, I need to get back home.”

“Can I at least get you something to eat?”

“No, I’m fine, thank you.”

“Ms. Johnson, you look very flushed, are you sure I can’t send you home with some soup? I have excellent broccoli and cheddar.”

She shook her head and picked up her book bag, “You’re very kind but — I can’t”

“But—”

Before Mrs. Kanata could get out another word Rey was out the door making a beeline for the Outpost apartments. She had not been this embarrassed in years. Two actually, when her foster parents informed her she had two weeks to get out on her 18th birthday. That was the date of her last episode. Thankfully, she would attend Jakku University in Arizona on a scholarship.

Cast aside all of her life and discarded like trash. The foster families that took her in never once tried to adopt her. Sometimes Rey was grateful they hadn’t because they were as horrible if not worse than her parents.

She didn’t need a psychologist to tell her she suffered from SPS self-preservation syndrome. Okay, so that wasn’t the actual name for it, but it’s what Finn had come to call it. 

She didn’t receive a full ride to school, but it covered the tuition. The only thing she had to do was find the money for textbooks, a place to live, and eat. That’s where her work-study at the library had come in. It took care of books and a school meal plan, but the room not so much. While working on her biomedical engineering degree she discovered she had an aptitude for botany and switched her major around to focus on it. Now she was effectively on her way to becoming a plant biochemist. That’s when she met Mrs. Kanata or Maz for the first time. 

A lot of the plants in her apartment were for experiments, and others were for sale at the local farmer’s market. She was lucky enough to snag a stand with a young woman named Rose Tico, a friend of Finn’s who sold jewelry and agreed that having flowers at her table would encourage customers to buy her products as well.

Rey adored all the greenery in her apartment. It made it feel alive despite the overall drabness of the taupe-colored walls and horrible beige countertops. Plants were easy and safe. They never ran away like a pet. Poe’s dog BB had gone missing for over a week before he eventually had come back. Her house plants were constantly there, waiting. They may not have spoken or been good company, but they kept her busy and most importantly would never walk out on her.

Rey opened the door to her apartment and dumped her bag on the floor. The silence in her one-bedroom apartment was deafening. Why did she feel so lonely? She always took great pride in her ability to withstand solitude. Now, though, it was as if she missed Ben. No, that couldn’t be right. She was just overwhelmed with everything that had happened. May was fast approaching and although she attempted to ignore it every year, it always snuck up on her, just like it had today. Rey was exhausted, both mentally and physically. She looked down at the old hand-me-down hideous floral pattern couch she saved from the curb. The words she yelled at Ben echoed in her head. _I know I live in garbage_! The tears filled her raw eyes once more, and she laid down on her garbage couch and cried until she couldn’t cry anymore. 

* * *

Ben didn’t return to his apartment, he just kept driving until he was well into the desert. It was often here he would push his car to its limits. His father insisted on buying it for him. And after what transpired between them a year ago, Ben felt too guilty to say no. Han was a Nascar racer, retired now, but he loved his cars. At one time Ben thought that maybe he would follow in Han’s footsteps and become a racer himself, but life had alternative plans. It always seemed that way, didn’t it? Every time he wanted something, it fell out of reach, usually because of his own self-sabotage. _Wow, was that what he was calling it now?_

He had been such a prick, there was no reason for him to fly off the handle the way he did. Rey just did something to him. It’s as if she knew exactly which buttons to push to get the maximum effect. Still, he was out of line. He had only known her for what, two days? 

Ben pressed the accelerator to the floor and shoved the stick in sixth. The Silencer roared and shot down the highway. It wasn’t until he hit mile marker 66 that his car made an ungodly whine and it shut off. 

His heart stopped. Ben-raised-around-cars-Solo was unquestionably a moron. He hadn’t topped off his gas before he turned off of Interstate 10 West to take route 80 South. Now he was stranded between St. David and Tombstone with no cell signal, no gas, and no one knew where he was. 

Ben stepped out of the car and searched in the direction he was driving. Off in the distance, there might be a building. It could be a gas station or a store. Hell, with his luck it was probably a big ass rock. Ben let out a groan and slammed the car door before started toward what he hoped wasn’t a mirage. 

Ben had wandered at least six miles and still hadn’t made it to the speck in the distance. A few cars had sped by and he stuck out his thumb, but no one even glanced in his way. Of course, they wouldn’t. He was 6 foot 3 and at least 195 pounds; essentially a sasquatch. 

Arizona was constantly warm, but now that it was drawing closer to May the heat was rising. It was at least 90 degrees out, and judging by the pinking of his forearms, he wouldn’t last too much longer. He wasn’t much for the sun these days, spending most of his time indoors either studying or on the phone getting hung up on before he could utter a single word. Ben rolled his eyes, at least he had grown his hair longer or his overly large ears would be thoroughly cooked. 

_“I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name. It felt good to be out of the rain. In the desert, you can remember your name, cause there ain’t no one to give you no pain.”_

Why that song had popped into his head he did not know. Maybe the sun was finally getting to him. It made sense, though. When you’re alone, no one can hurt you. 

Ben squinted to see a blue pickup truck heading his direction. Just like the last half dozen times before, he put out his thumb and prayed. _I’m not a scary convict, I’m just an overly large dumbass, please don’t let this dumbass die of heat exhaustion._

To his relief and surprise, the truck appeared to be slowing down. An elderly man with a head of silvery hair and neatly cut beard smiled at him. 

“Hello there,” He said, coming to a complete stop in the road. 

“Hi, thank God you stopped,” Ben said breathlessly, resting his hands on his knees. “I ran out of gas about six or seven miles back that way. Do you think you could give me a ride to the nearest gas station?”

“Hop in.”

“Thanks!” Ben said hoping inside the pickup. 

“I own a gas station a mile back, we’ll get you on your way in no time,” the old man said as he made a U-turn.

Ben couldn’t help but notice that the man looked familiar but he couldn’t quite place it.

“Thank you again, Mr?”

“You can call me Ben,” he answered. 

“Really? That’s my name too,” Ben replied.

The old man grinned and pulled into a gas station. The old weathered sign read Toshie Station. The driver’s side door groaned with age as the older Ben got out of the truck. 

“Why don’t you come inside and sit, get something cool to drink. You look like you’ve been through it.” 

Ben nodded and accompanied him inside. As soon as the cold air hit his face, he had never been so grateful for air-conditioning in his entire existence. 

Old Ben pulled out a tattered stool that had been duct-taped one too many times for him to sit, passed him a bottle of water, and then disappeared in the rear of the store with the promise of locating a gasoline can.

Relieved, Ben drew in a deep breath and took a big gulp of water. He let his eyes drift over the modest shop. There wasn’t much to it considering it was the only gas station for miles. It had only three rows of snacks, a small section for car oils and antifreeze. The walls were covered in old Sinclair and Coca-Cola signs. Ben’s gaze paused on a unique piece at the center of the back wall. Just over the Little Debbie display was a large framed faded early 90s colored photograph of Obi-Wan Kenobi, perhaps one of the best drivers that had ever lived. But that’s not what caught his attention. A very young Han Solo stood beside him, no older than he was right now. 

“Ah, you a race fan?” Old Ben called out from behind him. 

“Sort of,” Ben answered, not taking his eyes off his father. 

“That was a good year for Han, he won the Kessel Run 500, had the fastest car anyone had ever seen,” Old Ben went on. “He signed that picture for me that day, see there in the bottom right,” he pointed as he moved to stand beside him. “Never, tell me the odds.” 

“You were there?” Ben asked. 

“Of course I was dear boy, I’m in the picture aren’t I?”

Ben felt his blood drain from his face as slowly he turned to face the old man. The familiarity finally clicking into place. “Obi-Wan,” Ben said in a hushed whisper of disbelief. 

Obi-Wan smiled, “Now that’s a name I’ve not heard in a long time.” 

“But, you retired after--” Ben stopped himself from mentioning something that he felt he shouldn’t. 

It was widely known that Obi-Wan’s protege Ben’s own grandfather Anakin Skywalker had died in the next race, and it was rumored that he had an altercation with Obi-Wan right before he got into his car. A rumor further fueled by Obi-Wan’s abrupt retirement from the sport. He had simply faded from existence. 

“How’s your father doing? He had a nasty accident last year, I read.” Obi-Wan asked as if it were the most ordinary conversation in the world. 

“My dad? How did--”

“You were only about three last I saw you, but Ben, but I’d recognize those big ears of yours anywhere. Although I think you grew into them rather well,” Obi-Wan said, giving Ben a pat on the back. “Also, you look just like Han, I’d have to be blind not to see it.”

“Why did you just up and vanish? My mother adored you,” Ben asked, not caring that his voice teetered on the edge of anger. 

“Why did you drive off into the desert without a full tank of gas?” 

Ben ignored the bait. “You disappeared, to what, come live in solitude like a hermit? You know mom, she doesn’t blame you for what happened.” 

Obi-Wan picked up a red gas can and pretended he didn’t hear a thing Ben said to him. “I’m going to go get this filled up for you. Drink your water, Ben, you look a bit flush.”

Ben’s mouth dropped open as he watched his namesake walk out the front door of the shop. Did all this just happen or was he actually on the side of the road still, half-baked by the sun, hallucinating it all? He drank another big mouthful of water and watched Obi-Wan from a window as he filled up the large can. Ben’s eyes then wandered to the 100’s of various photographs and old newspaper articles taped to the wall, when something grabbed his attention. It wasn’t the picture on the front page of the Cochise Daily Record, which announced a win for Han Solo at the Phoenix Raceway in May 2005, but the article in the lower-left corner. 

**Five-year-old girl survives the desert for three days alone.**

_A little girl was abandoned on the side of route 80 on what authorities believe was Wednesday, May 4th, in the afternoon. Officer Zuvio of the Arizona State Police, who was responding to a call about an overturned vehicle in a ravine found the girl. They airlifted her to Benson hospital and although dehydrated they reported her to be in stable condition. How she endured is also a miracle. She drank water from a barrel cactus, one of the few cacti suitable for drinking. When asked how she chose it, she simply said it had a pretty pink flower on it. But her story doesn’t end here. The call Officer Zuvio responded to may have saved her life, but it caused her horrible circumstances. The overturned car held the remains of her parents. Toxicology reports are pending, but it appears to be a case of driving under the influence. The child is in the state’s care until they can notify other relatives._

Ben removed the newspaper clipping from the wall and stared at the picture of the little girl. She sat in the passenger seat of a patrol car. Her face was grimy, but he could see her eyes. He recognized those eyes and the sorrow they held. It couldn’t be, could it? 

The shop doorbell chimed and Ben startled. 

Obi-Wan looked at him, before glancing at the newspaper clipping in Ben’s hand. 

“I remember that race, one of Han’s bests,” he said.

Ben nodded, staring back down at the paper. “Do you mind if I borrow this? I can make a copy and bring back the original.”

“Nah, keep it, I have so much junk here,” he said looking past Ben over at the cluttered walls. “Oh, would you look at the time, it’s 1 o’clock, I need to take my arthritis medication.”

Ben’s stomach plummeted to the ground. _Medicine._ Rey’s prescription is at his apartment. She would need it again by — Ben counted the hours in his head and recounted the directions on the pill bottle, every 4 to 6 hours for the Ipburofen, for the swelling and the hydrocodone every 6 to 8, which meant she would be due at 4 pm. It would take him at least 2 hours to get back to Nima. He would make it just on time if he left now. 


End file.
